Make It A Habit

Just a thought for a rainy Saturday.

Small Goals

Since the beginning of June, I have applied for about 14 advertised jobs in the GIS field.  Their locations have ranged from Ontario to northern Alberta to my hometown of Victoria.  I have heard nothing - nothing, from any of these potential employers.

Does my resume suck?  Is my cover letter terrible?  I have revamped them both in the past couple of months with some professional help.  Do I lack in experience?  Perhaps.  Am I limited by where I will move to?  Not really, look where I have applied.  Is my heart into it?  I don't know.

Why isn't my heart into it?  Well, because I know I don't want to be a GIS technician forever.  I feel I have more to offer, to give and there is something out there that is better for me career wise.  But, I do know that when I am challenged in my job as a GIS tech, I like it.  I love being challenged.  And I know that when I work for a company that I respect, generally, as a whole, I will work hard for my pay cheque.  And I know that I'm proud that I've developed this technical side of my brain because I never thought that I ever COULD.

So what are my options?  Well, the first thing that always pops into my head is that I should just go back to school and try again.  Unfortunately, I'm nearing the age of 30 (less than 2 months!) and as much as I love learning, always, I can't bloody well afford to, in the traditional sense of University.  I know that I do not want to be a starving student and I know that I want to be debt free.  I know that I could do an online course again (I earned my GIS diploma on line while working full time) but I need to be seriously interested in the subject.

So, as far as I'm concerned, I need to keep looking.  Someone said to me the other day that if yoga starts taking over your life maybe you should make yoga your life.  As wonderful as that sounds there's something inside of me that is still unsure.  And one thing that I do know fully about myself is that I know when I make a decision and want something I feel it in my gut to the depth of my bowels and I am positive and it is easy.  Once I make the decision or know that I want something doors open.  I haven't had this feeling in quite a while.  I'm not sitting around waiting for it but I have my feelers out there.  I'll know when something is right.  

In the meantime,  I'm blogging, which I am loving, by the way.  I have a bunch of post its stuck to my computer for topics that I can talk about.  It really is stimulating and I am rediscovering my creativity and am enjoying my daily practice.

James Altucher says that he starts noticing results after a month, then 3 months, then 6 months.  Who knows?  But I'm glad I picked up the practice and I'm 23 days in!

2 Year Yogaversary

Two years ago today, I entered my very first Bikram yoga class.  I was nervous, intimidated and felt completely out of place. During the class I thought everyone around me was absolutely insane. I was back the next day and the one after that and the one after that. During my 2 week introductory pass, I practiced 10 times. When my Oma passed away, 3 weeks later, I went to the hot room.  I've laughed hysterically in class. I've bawled my eyes out. I've gotten so angry I've wanted to chuck my water bottle at the mirrors.  I've been so distracted that I've gone through a class without hearing a single word the teacher has said. I've also been so focused that I felt like I rule the world.

I sat down the other day and wrote out every way that my life has changed since I started my Bikram yoga practice.

What has my yoga practice done for me?
- I am stronger.
- I am more flexible.
- I have more compassion for myself.
- I sometimes have less compassion for others. (I say this is a positive change because I have a tendency to want to help everyone and thus, get walked on by those around me. I have learned to stand up for myself just a little more.)
- I have more confidence.
- I have reshaped my body.
- I competed in the BYS yoga competition of 2010. Yes, I did. The girl who used to be so self conscious I would wear flowly, unflattering shirts to hide my body.
- I feel as though I am truly capable of anything.  I am a super woman!
- I have gained the confidence to try different workouts and sports.
- I feel like I belong to a community.  A community where I am completely welcomed with open arms and a place I can go whenever I want - no matter how I'm feeling or what frame of mind I am in.
- I am actively working on trying to find my inner peace when I get in stressful situations - sometimes it works better than others, but I’m aware of it now!
- I truly believe that yoga can heal the mind body and spirit.
- I believe that yoga is for everyone!  Fat, skinny, young, old, injured, in top physical shape, yoga can do nothing but good.
- I have quit smoking
- I am much more aware of how food affects the way I feel. Ice cream at 11 o'clock at night does not make for a good sleep!
- I no longer have constant lower back pain.
- I no longer have upper back pain.
- I don't have any more knee pain.
- I have better posture, most of the time. It's all about becoming aware. So that when I am slouching I realize it sooner than I would have pre-yoga
- I am less intimidated by beautiful people. Honestly this was one of the biggest hurdles I had about trying Bikram yoga.  The thought of putting myself next to these gorgeous half naked people intimidated the hell out of me. I was so worried that I would be judged or not accepted!  I realize now that no one is judging you in that room except for yourself and that it's time to let that go.  You are there being good to your self - that is all that matters.
- This is the first time I’ve ever had a passion for something - turns out this passion is for myself.
- To relax, has a brand new meaning.  When I relax, lay in the sun all day and read a book, I feel as though I am truly relaxed, there is a sense of peace that I never knew was there before.

Most importantly, I have learned that yoga practice is all about the journey.  It is about broadening your awareness of your self - there should be no judgment through this journey - you are awakening and learning every day - you learn from your teachers, your peers, your children, your partners - above all you learn from the most important person in your life - You!

Photo by the lovely SDP

Habits

Do you ever catch yourself doing something just because that's what you do?  Giving it no thought, no pause for consideration.  Your morning coffee.  Slouching at the computer.  That piece of chocolate before you go to bed.  The ice in your water bottle.  The after dinner cigarette.

I've been slowly trying to change my routine habits.  I have now completely eliminated the ice from my water bottle.  I only drink Emergen-C if I feel I need it.  I am trying to wear clothes in my closet that I have let gather dust.  I recently quit smoking.  I don't crave it at all anymore but sometimes I feel like I should have one, just because that's what I used to do.

These habits exist in my yoga as well.  In my class with Ida, I was doing final Spine Twist.  Leg lifted over the knee, arm over the leg, arm wrapped around my back, hand gripping my shorts.  This was as far as I could go, the idea of grabbing my thigh with my hand seemed a million miles away.  Ida gently took my arm and moved it lower and closer to my torso so that I was almost grabbing my thigh!  This was so much closer than I ever thought I could go!  I had just automatically stopped at the waistband of my shorts because that was my depth - my body would not go any deeper - it was how I was built and that was that.

I think that once you become aware of these habits - once you become present while going through the motions of these routines - it becomes easier to change them.  It is definitely not a smooth transition - it can be really hard.  Hell, I just ate too much because I was sitting at work, frustrated and bored.  But at least I was conscious of the fact that I was going to feel bloated and regret it later.  I think the more you realize how you react in situations or how you take hold of your moments the more you will keep moving and growing - in and out of the hot room.