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May 5, 2010

Persistence

One of my most precious friends told me today that I was very persistent.  She was talking in regards to our friendship.  Our situation has recently changed.  She has become a beautiful proud mom of a little boy and I am still living my life as it has been for the past little while.  We've both had difficulty adjusting to this.  Simply because we lead different lives now.  We still love each other very much and that will never change but conversation has changed.  We both weren't really sure how to go about dealing with this and had avoided discussing it.  But today I bit the bullet and called her after a few weeks of strained long distance silence.

I love her because I can tell this woman anything and have no fear of being judged or negated for the way that I feel.  I think she feels the same with me because we were both very honest during this call and it cleared the air considerably.  As we hung up she told me I was very persistent and admired that about me.

It got me thinking of my persistence in other areas in my life.  Ever since I made my first big life decision - leaving Victoria to go work in a resort when I was 19 - if I made my mind up about something, there was a 90% chance I was going to do it.  When I randomly chose to go to Forestry school, I did it knowing I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  When I decided I was going to Europe, I left the country with $2000 in my pocket, completely forgetting that back then, with the exchange rate, my hard earned cash only equaled to about 800 British pounds.  I went after a boy I knew was not for me but he was who I wanted at the time.  I lost 50 agonizing difficult pounds.  I found a job in Victoria when my relationship ended because I wanted to be close to my family.  I pursued  the man I love today because it felt right in my heart.  I started Bikram yoga when I needed some peace of mind and will never ever give it up.

All these things, these actions I've taken have not been easy.  I often agonize over my decisions.  Sometimes thinking it is all just too hard and I should walk away.  I have often doubted my choices, thinking that I am trying too hard for something I am not meant to do or have.  That some of these hardships are just too difficult and if they are that difficult then why the hell am I bothering.

When my gorgeous girl made that comment to me today it stuck with me and as I sit here over my well earned glass of red wine it made me realize that persistence is a good quality to have.  It has challenged me.  It has not been easy and sometimes the paths that it has brought me down have not been fun.  But I'm glad I have it because those paths I've traveled have made me who I am today.  And I'm most grateful to have those wonderful friends who support me and love me and who, I know, will always be there.

And as Bikram says, "I never said it was going to be easy!"

1 comment:

Yolk E said...

What a great entry, and what a wonderful quality to have. I definitely know what it's like to drift apart from a friend due to the external circumstances. The core connection is still there, but when the outside stuff changes enough, things get affected. It's good you're so persistent! :-)