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September 22, 2010

Security Blankets

As I lay in two minute savasana this morning, my mind drifted to how sad I would be if this one particular teacher moved on.  I find him comforting, down to earth and very approachable.  He is a constant for 2 hours out of my week and it helps keep me grounded.  This thought moved on to feeling the same way about the entire studio.  I often wonder how I existed without this studio in my life.  How I got through rough days before the hot room, the yoga practice and the instructors were there to open their arms to me.  The morning after I found out my Oma had passed away, I went to yoga.  It grounded me for that 90 minutes, it allowed me to take a break from my thoughts, my grief and it helped me just be in my moment.

I have other security blankets in my life: 

My "Didi", my baby blanket that my wonderful Auntie made me.  Didi moved out with me for the first time when I was 18, travelled around Europe with me, went to college with me, was my pillow for a year and collected many of my tears.  I still have Didi and I always will.

The movie, Almost Famous, is my most favourite of movies.  I don't know if it is the characters, the music, the
story, it is probably all of it combined but it has calmed me down many times.  When I've been too hung over to sleep I skip to my favourite scenes.  When I lived in a basement suite in a hundred year old house that had mice and rats, it accompanied me while I lay wide awake at night with all the lights on, listening to creatures running around in my ceiling and behind my walls.  I can nearly recite every line and have made my own soundtrack of the songs that were left out on the official movie soundtrack.  And somehow in a very round about way, I can totally relate to the character, Penny Laine.

I have been blind as a bat for as long as I can remember and would not be able to survive without my glasses.  I got my first pair when I was in grade one.  I still remember putting them on and feeling sick to my stomach.  The world suddenly looked very close.  There were very definite lines between curbs on the side walk and the road.  It took me a long time to get used to having my glasses, to being able to see properly.  I would often forget them and would have to struggle through my school day.  Now I am nearly 29, and I am always concerned that I will forget them or lose them.  When I pack to go away, they come with me in my purse.  I have extra contacts with me all the time and when I worked in the bush I would carry an old pair of glasses and extra contact lenses with me.  In a place unfamiliar to me I would have a horrible time finding my way.  My glasses and contact lenses save my life every day.

The house I didn't grow up in.  When I lived in Europe, my parents built a new house and moved out of the one I spent all my childhood years in.  For whatever reason it didn't bother me and when I walked into their new house for the first time I knew why, it felt just like home.  The warm comforting smell was the same.  The paintings were there, the Indonesian artifacts from my Opa, the couches we had sent from Holland, photos of the family.  There were new things too, the Dutch Delft tiles in the kitchen, the new paintings, new furniture.  I lived in that house for a few months here and there, it was never mine, there are no childhood memories that exist in the corners, they only exist in our memories, but when I walk into that home, I feel safe.


What are your security blankets?

6 comments:

thedancingj said...

I have a security blanket for teaching yoga: my red Swatch! I bought it during the last weekend of teacher training, after one of the senior teachers said "buy a watch," and I've NEVER taught a class without it on. Absolutely never. I don't know WHAT would happen if I didn't have it on. All the dialogue would fall out of my head, the heaters would stop working, and no one would lock their knee!! Haha... I hope not.

Lorrena said...

Oh I have many, but worth mentioning are a 14-year old blanket from Amana, Iowa, a jar of Vicks Vaporub (makes me think of Mom), and Filipino food!

Lala said...

my itouch goes with me everywhere, including to sleep. on my way to work, at work, in bed where i read my fave blogs til i fall asleep, during my morning washroom routine (TMI? lol). i'm scared to get an iphone because who knows how much worse it'll get? LOL

the others on my list: burt's bees lip balm, my mom's old pots and pans she gave me, a pair of sweats from 8 years ago, my coconut hair conditioner i've used for 7 years, the blanket my mom gave me when i first moved out, and the same two tanks and towels i use for Biks..

oh and i second the Filipino food! ok i'll stop now..

thanks for the post :)

hannahjustbreathe said...

A silver bangle bracelet my mother gave me when I was 18 and a freshman in college. I feel naked if I'm not wearing it.

Also? I freaking LOVE "Almost Famous"!!! Best movie ever.

Catherine said...

What interesting timing (please pardon the lengthy comment):

I worked at an ice cream shop all four years of high school. The owners were family friends; their daughter was the same age as me and we had a blast working there. Two more kids from our grade worked there the final two years, too.

When we graduated, and planned our departures to points north and east, one of the owners made quilts for all four of us, and then all the coworkers signed everyone else's quilts.

Over the past 11 years, that quilt has been back and forth across the country several times, and like your Didi, has collected many tears...

Last week, my seven-month-old puppy, who chews through all sorts of things, decided to chew holes in and through my quilt. It's unsalvageable.

I kind of lost it... Thank god I've still got my contacts, at least. :) What a lovely post by you.

(And I third the Filipino food!)

ellelove7 said...

My cast iron bathtub.
In a few weeks I will be leaving my old 1910 apartment with my cast iron bathtub to move in with my honey... And I'm honestly having anxiety about not having my bathtub to soak in. I'm seriously getting teary right now!