November 28, 2010

Whoa, Anxiety

This morning I was excited to get to the studio.  My plan was to get there early, practice Standing Head to Knee, and then stay after class and practice Standing Bow.  These are the first two poses that you must do in the competition and Ida had recommended that we work on those outside of class first.  All was fine before class and during class until I got to Triangle pose.  And then my brain started screaming at me.  Telling me I wasn't good enough to compete.  That I should lose 10 pounds before competing.  That I'm not strong enough.  That I'm not flexible enough.  That I'm not pretty enough.

Oh my god.  I was ready to scream because I knew none of this was true.  I pushed through.  But by the end of class I was defeated, dizzy and just wanted to go home.  I left the hot room wondering what I'd gotten myself into.  I felt completely out of my element and was ready to burst into tears.

On my way out I saw one of the teachers who had been practicing in class and who is also going to compete.  I spoke to her and she made me feel a million times better.

I came home and did 5 sets of Standing Head to Knee and 3 sets of Standing Bow.

I will do this.


Yolk E said...

"I knew none of this was true." Now, that is SO true. Forget that nonsense. Good for you for competing and facing those anxieties/insecurities head-on. THAT is the battle!

Lorrena said...

Ah, J, the "competition" has already started...and you've overcome this one...atta girl!:)

Lush said...

Congratulations for taking that big step to compete! I agree with the two ladies above - it's a competition that propels you to be better and stronger. The process of training is a competition itself. THAT may be the biggest part of this competition day in and day out. So proud of you! :)