September 12, 2011

Finding Peace

1. To move or act swiftly; hurry.
2. To make a sudden or swift attack or charge.
3. General haste or busyness

This is me when I work full time.  I am constantly running from bed, to the yoga room, to home, to the shower, to the bus, to the office.  And then I run home, get in a quick workout, cook dinner quickly because I want time to digest it before I go to bed.

I just got back from the grocery store.  I pedaled very slowly to it on my bike, looking around and taking in my surroundings and then I pedaled home again, thinking about how much I enjoy that I feel little pressure in how quickly or slowly I complete a task.

I have always been a very punctual person.  I am always on time - if not early.  My days are organized in my head how long it will take me to complete a task before I can move on to the next one.  I like order and things to fall into place when I expect them to.  I like things to run efficiently.  I like to be efficient.  I know that life doesn't always work this way but I do like to organize what I can control in my life and I get annoyed if things don't go the way they were planned.

I would like to take the stress out of being busy or rushing when I return to the work force.  I would like to somehow relinquish some of my control on time - especially in situations that I have no control over, like the bus.  I will never give up organizing my life.  I will always be punctual and will try to complete tasks with efficiency but I want the rigidity of what I expect of myself to diminish.  I want to remove the hastiness of life.  I want to remember coasting my bike to the grocery store and listening to the leaves rustle and the birds singing and smelling the ocean air blowing in off the Juan de Fuca straight.

I want to find peace in the chaos.

1 comment:

Richard said...

I know exactly how you feel. That's why I prefer transit whenever it is reasonable, because then I have to let go and just allow myself to be carried around. It's a lot more relaxing to just be for a while.