December 13, 2010

Pure F#*$king Rage

I worked an extra long day today in order to get some overtime in so I could take the advanced class again tomorrow.  I started work early, skipped my regular 6am class, worked 10 hours and got to the studio in time for the 5:45 class.  I was so looking forward to it - my body being looser - getting some good back bends in - having a nice sweat after a long day.

From the moment the bright lights came on I felt this anger simmering inside me.  I got through Pranayama breathing fine but I wasn't happy.  I thought it would pass - it normally takes the breathing for me to get immersed into my yoga.  But as soon as we started Half Moon pose I was at a full blown boil.  I was so pissed off for being in the room, for having to listen to the instructions from yet another person today, for having all of these stupid people so close to me.  I felt like a child.  I wanted to stomp my feet and scream at the top of my lungs.  I wanted to throw my water bottle and smash something.

So, you know what I did?

I left.  Yep, I left the room in tears.  Angry tears.  I got right into the shower.  And now I'm sitting at home, hair still wet, wondering what the hell happened to me in there.


Lala said...

we all need to stomp off once in awhile. heck i think we don't do it enough.

this may sound un-yoga like, but good for you. there's always a next class..

Anonymous said...

Hang in there, what you're going through are just issues coming out. Cry if you need to,wail cry do whatever, just don't leave the next time :)

I promise it'll only get better with time :) xoxo

Catherine said...

I don't have anything profound to say, just: It happens, and you are *not* alone.


bikramyogachick said...

I've cried, laughed, been pissed, been happy, frustrated...everything in that hot room.
Funny how it brings out things in us. I think it's good! Perhaps you would've held it in otherwise.