Infinity and Constant Change

Life has been a consistent stir of change lately.  Feelings grabbing me and shaking me around.  Jobs being insecure.  Pranayama practice bringing me deeper - to what?  Seasons changing.  Sun coming out and making me hot.  Vivid dreams.  Random meetings of people I haven't seen in ages.  Being surrounded by people who get what I'm learning and experiencing.  Being surrounded by people who don't - understanding that it's all personal.  Having a shift in what I enjoy doing in my downtime - reading the Yoga Sutras before going to bed.  Going vegetarian.  Feeling older yet younger and more vulnerable at the same time.  Wondering what has brought me to this point - is it all Karma?  Trying to grasp for something tangible yet feeling as though what I am searching for is elusive and I should go with the flux and ebb of life.  Beginning to believe I've lived before.  Feeling as though I'm finally discovering what I've wanted to understand for years.  Having no clue how to discuss any of it.  It is simply happening to me and I feel this deep inner change occurring within me.  Deeper than my brain.  It's happening in my core.

Becoming aware that life is not about something holding you up - being reliant on one thing.  It's about holding yourself up and being fluid within the change that is happening within your life.  Accepting change and surrendering to  the power that exists within yourself and all around you.  Having faith.  "It's all happening."  It's constantly happening.  Constantly shifting.  Constantly evolving.  Focusing on being brave and shinning bright while my whole world is shaking up around me.

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I practiced Bikram yoga this morning for the first time in a month.  It was...nice?  It's strange, I'm not over the moon for the practice anymore.  It was good.  I can see the benefits.  I liked how it felt but something was missing.  I don't know why I feel like I need to make a decision.  That I need to know 100% which yoga I want to continue practicing.  I don't know why I feel like I need to work all of this out right now, after all it is the journey of yoga, it doesn't matter what happens at the end.

It was wonderful to be at the studio this morning.  My mum was there which is the reason I got up at 5:30 am, to practice with her.  I love practicing with my mum and I think it's the biggest thing I miss about my Bikram practice.  One of my favourite teachers was teaching which gave me another reason to get up in the cold and the dark.  Before class I made sure to tell myself that there was no need to try to go as deep as I may have a month ago.  I didn't want to hurt myself.  I felt strong and solid during class.  The heat felt nice and the asanas were comforting, my body knew what to do even if it hadn't done some of those movements in a month. 

It was also nice to just listen, to not think about what came next.  I simply had to listen to the dialogue.  I don't think I ever appreciated this before.  In my Ashtanga practice you are responsible for your practice, you need to learn, to embed the practice into your body and mind.  You are responsible for your alignment, your body.  Of course there is a teacher there but is not the consistent reminders that we receive through the dialogue in Bikram yoga.

I felt no need for water this morning.  I have never been a water chugger but I would always sip on my water.  I didn't take one sip until after final Savasana.  I attribute this to the Ashtanga and the fact that there are no water breaks in the Ashtanga practice.  For a month now I have been practicing yoga with no water until after my practice.  I was curious to see how this would translate into the hot room and I can see now how the need and craving for water while I practice yoga is all in my head.  Regardless of the heat or how much I'm sweating because I tell ya, I sweat just as much in my Ashtanga practice as I do during a cooler Bikram class.

It felt absolutely luxurious to be able to lie down in Savasana in between the floor poses.  It was strange not doing a Vinyasa between the poses.  I felt as though I was cheating a little bit :).  But I really noticed how they both have the same goal, to clear and release the blood through any limbs or organs that were stretched or bent or compressed during the asana.

So here I am comparing and contrasting the different practices.  Yes they are different but they all stem from the traditional Hatha Yoga.  I really just need to do what I want, what my heart tells me.  

  

Confession Time

I put my Bikram yoga pass on hold the other day.  Yes, fellow Bikram yogis, I feel like I am moving on from my Bikram practice.  I still am not sure whether or not it will be a permanent hold.  I'm going to try it out for a month.  I want to see how I feel sticking to an Ashtanga practice.

I, honestly, never thought I would ever leave my Bikram practice.  When I discovered Bikram yoga it did so many different things for me - physically and mentally -  that I thought I would practice Bikram yoga for the rest of my life.  I'm coming to realize that it is more suitable to say, I will practice yoga for the rest of my life.

I have been practicing Ashtanga yoga for maybe 4 weeks now and it is like turning on a new light.  I am learning a lot, not only about the asanas but about how to listen to my own body.  I am learning how to feel the poses.  I've found myself in the middle of a posture trying to think of what comes next and when it comes time to transition, I just know and I move into the following asana with little thought.  I have been discovering a new sense of the attention to detail that must be observed in each asana.  And I'm learning to find it on my own.  I get corrections from my teacher but they are subtle corrections that are often directed through touch.  I find this useful because the sensation of what muscle I should stretch or relax or tighten seems to be remembered by my body.

I wish I could go to the morning Mysore classes but, financially, it is not possible right now.  Which is OK.  I like that I have to practice at home.  I like that I that I can go to the studio in the evenings and weekends and that instead of following a led class during the evenings - which this pass was originally supposed to be - it has turned into an introduction to Mysore, so that I am getting the Mysore experience.

I just finished my morning practice at home in my small living room.  My eyes gaze outside as I practice and I see my plants on the window sill and the colourful trees outside.  It feels good to create this energy in my own living space.  It feels right to take a step away from instruction and to try to experience the yoga through my own mind and body.

Namaste.

Blessed Samhain

In my younger years I became very interested in Pagan religion and once celebrated Samhain on the eve of November the 1st by way of a Wiccan ceremony.  

We lit candles and invoked the Gods and Goddesses.  We ate apple and burned sage.  We were surrounded by boughs of trees and mini pumpkins.  We took sips of wine.

Samhain is the the time to honor the Crone and the final harvest of the year.  The Feast of the Dead was celebrated in Celtic countries.  Single candles were lit in windows to guide spirits home.  People dressed in white or dressed as the opposite sex to fool the spirits.  The "wee folk" or fae were highly active and played tricks.  Extra places were set at the dinner table for the spirits of ancestors.

I, personally, adore Autumn.  I like the significant change of the leaves dying and changing colours.  I like that life slows down.  It is a sign of growth that is different than Spring.  Beauty takes on a different form.  Beauty is death.  Beauty is calmness.  Beauty is sleep.  The Beauty that exists in the Fall is stark, it is naked.  The twisted branches cannot hide behind leaves and flowers.  The birds shamelessly eat as much as they can to fatten up.  The ground freezes and frost sets in, causing us to bundle up and wear gloves and hats and warm sweaters.

We celebrate love in the Autumn and Winter.  We find reasons to share time with our loved ones, to feast and to eat.  We give gifts to bring light to gloomy, cold days.  

Enjoy your final harvest tonight.

Source: Wicca.com