Confession Time

I put my Bikram yoga pass on hold the other day.  Yes, fellow Bikram yogis, I feel like I am moving on from my Bikram practice.  I still am not sure whether or not it will be a permanent hold.  I'm going to try it out for a month.  I want to see how I feel sticking to an Ashtanga practice.

I, honestly, never thought I would ever leave my Bikram practice.  When I discovered Bikram yoga it did so many different things for me - physically and mentally -  that I thought I would practice Bikram yoga for the rest of my life.  I'm coming to realize that it is more suitable to say, I will practice yoga for the rest of my life.

I have been practicing Ashtanga yoga for maybe 4 weeks now and it is like turning on a new light.  I am learning a lot, not only about the asanas but about how to listen to my own body.  I am learning how to feel the poses.  I've found myself in the middle of a posture trying to think of what comes next and when it comes time to transition, I just know and I move into the following asana with little thought.  I have been discovering a new sense of the attention to detail that must be observed in each asana.  And I'm learning to find it on my own.  I get corrections from my teacher but they are subtle corrections that are often directed through touch.  I find this useful because the sensation of what muscle I should stretch or relax or tighten seems to be remembered by my body.

I wish I could go to the morning Mysore classes but, financially, it is not possible right now.  Which is OK.  I like that I have to practice at home.  I like that I that I can go to the studio in the evenings and weekends and that instead of following a led class during the evenings - which this pass was originally supposed to be - it has turned into an introduction to Mysore, so that I am getting the Mysore experience.

I just finished my morning practice at home in my small living room.  My eyes gaze outside as I practice and I see my plants on the window sill and the colourful trees outside.  It feels good to create this energy in my own living space.  It feels right to take a step away from instruction and to try to experience the yoga through my own mind and body.

Namaste.

Lost in Translation?

Has anyone else ever wondered why Tree pose is called Tadasana in Bikram yoga?

I am constantly confused by this.  I asked a teacher once and she told me that the way it was explained to her was that it is because Bikram is from Kolkata, which is in the east of India and Iyengar and Patthabi Jois are from Pune and Mysore which are more to the west of the country and therefore the dialect is different.

The way I was originally taught, Tadasana is Mountain pose which could also be similar to Samasthitti.  While practicing Iyengar yoga, I learned that Vrkasana is the Sanskrit word for Tree pose.  I know that Tree pose in Bikram is more similar to Half Lotus Bound pose or Ardha Baddha Padmottanhasana in Ashtanga yoga than to the traditional Tree pose.   And that Ardha Baddha Padmottanhasana looks like the 1st and 2nd stage of Toe Stand or Padangustasana in Bikram.  And when you Google Padangusthasana (with the H inserted) your results are any asana that have the word "big toe" in it.

I think I may have opened a huge can of worms, which probably has no straight answer.  It may simply be a case of the definition of a word from Sanskrit to English being lost in translation and modified along the way.

If anyone has any ideas on this, I would love to hear from you. 

Vrkasana or Tree pose. Via

Bikram's Tadasana or Tree pose. Via

Ardha Baddha Padmottanhasana or Half-lotus Bound into Standing Forward Bend. Via

Love Affair With Yoga

I had a conversation with myself and my yoga practice today.  I am, from this day forward, having an open relationship with my yoga practice.  This means that if I choose to practice Ashtanga yoga for three weeks, that is OK.  If I choose to take my Bikram class every day for a month, that is OK.  If one day, down the road, I choose to stop practicing a certain type of yoga, that is OK too.

I think, that in the last week, I was starting to feel like I had to choose.  I had to choose between yoga practices.  That somehow I was betraying one if I chose to practice another.  This is no more.  Yoga is a journey and if my progress through my yoga path takes me to different types of practices then that is where I am meant to go.

This morning I practiced Bikram yoga for the first time in a week and my god did it feel so amazing.  Never again will I take Savasana for granted.  Never again will I hate the heat.  

One day at a time, one moment at a time, one practice at a time.

"Yoga, an ancient but perfect science, deals with the evolution of humanity. This evolution includes all aspects of one's being, from bodily health to self-realization. Yoga means union - the union of body with consciousness and consciousness with the soul. Yoga cultivates the ways of maintaining a balanced attitude in day-to-day life and endows skill in the performance of one's actions." ~ BKS Iyengar

Rest Day

I decided to give myself a complete rest day today.  No P90 X, no yoga.  Usually on my rest days I practice yoga but I needed a break.  I was in no mood for a Bikram class today.  I did a short 40 minute practice on my own at home but it isn't the same thing.  I was actually excited for a day of nothing.  I puttered around on my bike but that was the extent of my physical activity. 

You know what?  I didn't like it.  Now, at 8:00pm in the evening I feel off, restless and hungry.  I shouldn't be hungry I've had enough to eat.

Lesson?  I should practice even when I don't want to.  I need to do something that increases my heart rate for a more than 10 minutes at a time.  It helps me feel better, more productive, more centered.

On another note, I really want to try Ashtanga yoga.  Really, really want to.  I want to go to the specific Ashtanga studio in town.  I think I want to expand my yoga practice and try new things.  I feel the need for more information and new asanas and growth.  I know I would continue to grow in my Bikram practice but I just feel the need in my heart for something different.  

Trust the Process

"Sounds like you're in a rush."  What?  Me?  Wanting something now - immeditately - as fast as I can accomplish it?  Never!

This is what one of my teachers said to me a couple weeks ago after rambling on to him about how I wasn't sure if Bikram yoga was the right path for me, that I wanted more, that I felt I was missing something.  It hurt.  Even though I know, more than anyone else, that when I decide I want something - I want it immediately - it brought me crashing down to reality.

I was a little angry when I got home.  I felt as though what I wanted or what I dreamed had been stomped on by someone who I felt was a friend and who understood me and my yoga practice.  I felt that I had every right to feel the way I do - to question my yoga and my practice and the teachers and to want more from my yoga practice.  And I definitely do feel this way and have every right to question it!  But I had started getting myself worked up about it. 

Let me clarify myself a little bit.  You know when you first started your practice and you pick up your foot in Standing Head to Knee and the teacher says many times, "Lock your knee.  Before you kick, lock your knee.  Lock your knee!".  But you don't.  You see the other students around you who have been practicing for a while and they are kicking out and it looks so amazing and you want to be there - where they are!  But your standing leg is wobbling and your knee isn't locked and the teacher calls you out and tells you to bring your leg down and to lock your goddamn knee!  And then you feel a little sheepish or you get angry because you really just want to kick your leg out!

This is how I'm feeling about my yoga practice - I am trying to kick my leg forward before my knee is locked - I am trying to reach a point in my practice that I am not ready for yet.  Training for the competition gave me this glimpse at these amazing yogis who not only do amazing things with their bodies but also have this beautiful peace about them that I admire.  I practiced with them.  Got to know them a little bit.  Received little tidbits of their knowledge and I decided I want to be like them - I want to gain their knowledge - I want to follow my own yoga path.  And this is what I was trying to relate to my teacher - I want what you guys have or know or what I think that you know!  And he told me very promptly to lock my goddamn knee.

This has taken me a couple of weeks to process.  I've let it drift out of my mind.  I took an Iyengar yoga class.  I've practiced at home.  I bought a yoga anatomy book.  I'm still only practicing at the studio two or three days a week.

And then yesterday I was determined to go to class.  I just wanted to be in that room.  Through a blizzard, I drove and got into that hot room.  It was a tough class - I'm still a little sick.  But I knew what I'd come for when, lying in Savasana immediately after Cobra pose, the teacher says, "Trust the process."  I'm sure she said more insightful things after that but I had tuned out because I suddenly remembered how far I have come personally - how much I have grown and changed - both physically and mentally in 19 months of Bikram yoga practice.

I just need to keep trying to lock that knee and the rest will come.

Words of Wisdom

I was blow drying my hair the other morning while reading Bikram's book and he says that if you fall out of Standing Head to Knee you need to try again and then if you fall out again you need to try again.  This is not only good for your determination but it also helps your muscles "remember" where and how they are supposed to work.

I've been focusing on this asana in the past few days because it has been ages since I've been able to complete the posture to it's full expression - with the forehead on the knee.  The other night I got there - held it for a couple of breaths - came out of it gracefully and since then it's been a little easier to get into the pose every time I try.

Huh, who woulda thought he knows what he's talking about?

Bikram on my Back

Lately, classes have been hell.

Everything is hard right from the beginning. I walk into the room and the hot air takes my breath away. Pranayama exhausts me. Half Moon pose kills my hips. I always fall out of Awkward pose. Eagle pose kills my hips. My calf muscles burn in Standing Head to Knee. And that’s only the start, but I think you get the idea.

Where have my “easy” classes gone? I was on a smooth ride for a few months where class was a walk in the park. I walked in, sweated, stretched, pulled, breathed and then left feeling wonderful.

I still leave feeling wonderful but every breath, every movement, every muscle contraction is a challenge, a chore, a battle. I am trying to look at this experience in a positive way. As The Missus  said in "Good Class Redifined”, the harder classes are the good ones! This is where your body is changing, growing stronger, flushing toxins. But man, oh man, is it tough. Every class I am finding reasons as to why I should leave the room. And it’s not even unusually HOT!

Sometimes the worst experiences, the hardest times in our life, teach us the most.  We benefit from them by growing and learning.  We get through them by focusing on the good.

So I am focusing on the good in my yoga. 

My good for this week:  In Janushirasana with Paschimottanasana (Head to Knee with Stretching pose), I am able to touch my forehead to my thumbs!  My forehead is so close to getting to my toes.  In class, the other morning, my instructor said to me that if I went to see Bikram he would stand on my back like this  to help me get my head to touch my toes!

Private Class with Ida!!

OMG!

I have a private class booked with Ida Ripley next week! 

Eeeek!  So excited and nervous at the same time!

A Double

I have been inspired by you.  By all of you that I read every week.  So Monday evening I decided I would do a double on Tuesday.  My own challenge.

I went to my regular 6 am class and made sure I told the instructor I was going to do a double.  I needed someone to be aware of my intentions.  It was hot.  I don't normally sweat all that much in the mornings but today I was dripping.  Sweat rolling down my legs, off my elbows, dripping from the end of my ponytail.  I had my water bottle but not one drop of water touched my lips.  I am really starting to notice a much deeper compression in my internal organs when I limit my water intake.  Loving it!  My balance was way off.  It felt like I was back at the beginning of my practice.  I would tip and stumble and dip and sway.  I take this as a good sign.  My practice is coming round full circle again!

Went to work with a fresh set of yoga gear in my car and made it back to the studio for the 5:45pm class.  Again, HOT!  But such a different heat.  All those bodies sweating in the room all day had left the room humid, the air heavy.  My toes went numb until about the 3rd asana.  This used to happen to me when I first started Bikram yoga.  I'm thinking it has to do with circulation??  Once I got the feeling back in my toes, my standing series was strong, again my balance was off and my butt muscles were burning!  I only had a couple sips of water during class and noticed a headache in Kapalbhati breathing. 

I have been re hydrating since I got home and will be back to my 6am class tomorrow morning.

Thanks again for the inspiration!
 

Sweat and Peace

This morning I practiced in the front row.  A couple laid their mats down next to mine.  They both had very well toned, defined muscles, it was very obivous they frequented a gym regularly. 

I was aware from the moment we took our first breaths that I was going to have to focus hard on finding my peace during the class.  They were constantly wiping sweat, taking swigs from their water bottles, wiping sweat, moving around between poses, wiping sweat, leaving the room.  I was willing them to stay still.  To breathe through the sweat dripping down their faces.  To focus on the moment.  I had to keep bringing myself back to my practice, back to looking at my own eyes and form in the mirror, to avoid catching them out of the corner of my eye.  I was eventually able to find my peace once we got to Balancing Stick pose.  I had a strong class and got a nice thumbs up from the teacher.

I hope to see them in class again with some new found stillness and composure.  And knowing that we all sweat in Bikram yoga.  Sweat is one of the best side effects from being in the hot room. 

Yoga Dream

This morning I awoke at 4:30 from a chaotic yoga dream. 

I was in the hot room but the room was like a jungle.  Hot and humid, plants everywhere, leopard print couches, and my fellow yogis lounging, drinking beer and sleeping.  I left the room to fill my water bottle and the reception area was the same as it always is, peaceful, calm, bright and people chatting.  When I walked back into the room chaos had erupted.  Loud music was blaring from speakers, people were dancing, drinking and spilling beer everywhere.  My instructor walked in and I thought, ok things will calm down now and we can start our practice.  But he just proceeded to jump up on the teacher's podium and play air guitar.

I sat bolt right up in bed.  What the fuck?

Too Much To Prove

Monday morning 6am class, is ALWAYS a challenge.

No matter how well I sleep, how hydrated I am, Monday mornings knock me down.  Mondays also consist of one of my favourite teachers and I always want to do well to show them how I am improving.

I know this yoga should be about me.  This is my practice, my time, my experience, but the little girl in me pipes up and says, "Look! Look at me!"

This morning my knee hurt, for no reason, I'd had a horrible nightmare right before waking up, and just had the all around Mondays.  I couldn't decide where I wanted to lay my mat and didn't talk to anyone.  My practice looked fine as I sweated for the 90 minutes, I was able to do the poses to my regular depth but I was just going through the motions.  In my mind I knew I could do better.  I wasn't really present.  I struggled and was frustrated with myself and my inability to just be in the moment.

I almost always leave Monday morning class feeling this frustration.  I am not sure whether it is because I set myself up for this by telling myself, "this Monday will be a good class!" or if it's just the way of the world and the weekend is over and my routine must start again.

And so I've decided that on Monday mornings, I am going to try to be inconspicuous.  I will find myself a quiet little corner in the studio where I can observe myself in the mirror but where I am not in the front row, where I am not in direct sight of my instructor.

Mondays will be a fresh start where I will allow myself the forgiveness to be a little tired and to start the week on a good note.

Feet Firmly Planted

Yoga is cyclical. What you learn in the yoga studio can be brought to your outside life and what you do outside in your everyday life can be brought in to your practice.

Lately, in my Bikram yoga class, I have been working on getting my head to my knee in Standing Head to Knee (Dandayamana Janushirasana). One leg up parallel to the floor, foot flexed kicking out, standing leg locked, concrete, lamp post, elbows below the shin.  I tuck my chin and slowly move my eyes from the mirror to my hands holding my foot, down my shin, to my knee, tucking in my stomach, chin to my chest...and I stumble.  My standing foot rocks to the inside and the outside and I let go of my leg before I fall onto my mat.

Today I spent the entire class focused on my feet.  Applying pressure to the four corners, keeping myself grounded.  I pushed my standing foot down into the floor and kicked my lifted foot forward as if I were to kick the mirror. It worked!  I got my forehead to knee!

This got me thinking of how the simple yet focused action of grounding your feet during your practice prepares you to ground yourself in everyday life. So that when you feel as if you are falling out of place at work, at home, to firmly press the corners of your feet into the ground and you'll balance, you'll handle the situation firmly and calmly.

It is all connected.  What is done in the room is reflected in your outside life.  What occurs and what is practised on the outside will affect your yoga.