Gentle Breath

It was lovely to be back in a class setting this morning.  The sound of others breathing, the movement of peoples bodies and the smell of the subtle incense helped me to find my focus.

Three words that Jeff said to me this morning that I will try to bring forward into my practice everyday.

Breathe.

Smile.

Gentle.

Gentle. 

Smile. 

Breathe.

Smile. 

Gentle.

Breath.

Breath.

Gentle.

Smile.

And Now The Other Side

I haven't been to the yoga studio since Sunday.  Normally - when Victoria has not been hit by snow and there is no ice on the roads and I don't have to sweep snow off my car at 5:30 in the morning - I would have gone to two morning mysore classes by Thursday.  This morning, I did not want to do anything.  I enjoyed my chanting and my preparation for pranayama - probably because they are so new - but my asana practice was rough.  The entire time, from my first Surya Namaskr, my mind would not shut the hell up.  It just kept trying to convince me that I did not want to practice.  This is when being in a class with other people and a teacher is so very helpful.  There's peer pressure to keep moving, to keep going.  I closed right before Marichyasana A.  I was done.  I rested in child's pose after Savasana, that seemed to help ground me.

So whereas yesterday I was in love with the fact that I could create my own practice in my own living room without the need for a teacher.  Today would have been the perfect day to have someone gently coax me forward.

There's always two sides to the story.

Why I Love My Practice

As I inhaled, held my legs firmly together, lifted my hips, kept my toes firmly planted on the ground and my gaze (dristi) rested on the tip of my nose I realized I'd forgotten two standing poses.  Two!  Utthita Hasta Pandangussthasana and Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana slipped away from my practice as I gazed out the window at the waving trees and the blowing snow.

This is the beauty of a personal practice.  You are your own teacher.  You are forever responsible for keeping your mind in the present moment.  There is no voice to remind you which asana comes next.  There is no teacher gently calling you back into the room.  There are no other bodies to watch and compare yourself to.  You need to be fully present and aware of each movement, each breath or you will forget asanas and possibly lose your balance and fall on your ass.

This is why I am falling in love with the traditional Ashtanga yoga method, the mysore method.  I practice a few days a week in a yoga room full of people who are in all sorts of different stages of their asana practice.  Some start at 6 am, some at 7:30.  Some are just beginning and are learning the sequence of the poses and spend time working with the teaching.  Some are working right through the primary series and have been given a pranayama practice.  The teacher walks around the room observing and assisting.  Sometimes encouraging students with physical assistance, sometimes by voice alone.  The yoga room always feels peaceful yet is never quiet.  You hear people breathing, mats squeaking, feet sticking to the wood floors.  Sometimes the room thunders when someone falls from an arm balancing pose.  It is a perfect example how silence and sound can exist in harmony.

I feel welcome whenever I walk in.  I am greeted by the teacher, whether it be a smile as they help someone twist into an asana or a pat on the back and how are you today.  Some days I get many corrections, many assists in poses.  Some days I am left completely alone except for a voice from the other side of the room telling me to lift my heart as I stretch forward.

The days that I don't get myself to the yoga studio, I practice in my living room.  This is especially useful on days when the weather is so gross out I don't want to leave the house.  The mysore method has taught me that I am able to practice yoga anywhere I can.  I have learned to remember what I was told in the studio.  I have been able to become more aware of myself.  I am able to take the peace and tranquility that I find in a led class or a mysore class and bring it right into my very own living room.  This is a gift that I would never trade for the world.  The gift of self discovery and practice.  The gift of learning how to find your own peace.  I am truly grateful to be a student of yoga and to be consistently learning and growing within my self.

Adding To The Practice

Yesterday I began adding a few practices to my morning yoga practice.  I wake up and on an empty stomach I practice Uddhiyana Bandha Kriya, Kapalbhati and Nadi Shodhana.  Then I drink some water and chant the peace invocations in Sanskrit, preferably 3 times each.

I love the chanting.  I think I love it so much because I love learning new languages and Sanskrit sounds so beautiful when it is pronounced correctly.  We went over the proper pronunciation of Sanskrit letters on Sunday so I think I'm getting the hang of it. 

The breathing exercises are another story.  Uddhiyana Bandha Kriya, I seem to understand.  Kapalbhati is more difficult.  Where it is similar to the Kapalbhati that is done at the end of a Bikram class there are some subtle differences.  First of all you exhale through your nose, the mouth is closed and the contraction in your stomach comes from the lower belly just above your pubic bone.  It helps to engage the Mula Banddha as you are pumping the lower belly.  This definitley requires more finesse.  Finding and activating my lower belly is tough but it is like any practice, I just have to keep trying.  Nadi Shodhana is simple in theory but when one of your nostrils is plugged every morning, it definitely makes the practice more challenging.  Apparently placing a rolled up t shirt under your opposite arm will help unplugged the nostril.  This still hasn't worked for me.

What I love most about all of this, is that suddenly my yoga practice is no longer just an asana practice.  I have been studying the yamas and niyamas, I've started reading the Bhagavad-Gita, I am learning some of the Yoga Sutras, the one I can remember in Sanskrit - Yoga Citta Vrtti Nirodha, Yoga is the practice of channeling the whirlpool of the mind, ego and intellect.  The saying that yoga is not just about the physical is beginning to make sense to me - I'm starting to believe it.

But as Sri Pattabhi Jois says, "Whole life is practice. That is method."  We should never forget our practice.  Whatever it may be.

Mari D - Success!

This morning I successfully grasped my opposite fingers while my left leg was in lotus, my right leg bent up close to my chest, my torso twisted to the right, my right arm wrapped around my back and my left arm wrapped around my bent right leg.

With the sound of Jeff's voice across the practice room urging me on, I was finally able to hook my finger tips and then pull my hands together.  It felt amazing.  Like I'd climbed Mt. Everest.

Via

Find What Works For You and Put The Ego To Rest

There's been a lot of talk going around the yoga blogs in the past couple of days regarding an article featured in the New York Times Magazine - How Yoga Can Wreck Your Body. 

The essay recounts many examples dating back to the 1970s of documented cases where yoga practitioners have seriously injured themselves - usually while practicing headstands, shoulder stand and deep back bends.  Some of this seemed over the top and the numbers collected from the Consumer Product Safety Commission that 'showed that the number of emergency-room admissions related to yoga, after years of slow increases, was rising quickly.' seemed relative to the rise of the actual number of people who have started practicing yoga in the last few years.  Business is booming thus more injuries will occur.  The only part of the essay I found relevant was a quote by Glenn Black, ‘Asana is not a panacea or a cure-all. In fact, if you do it with ego or obsession, you’ll end up causing problems.’

This truly resonated with me yesterday.  There I was in class trying to get into Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana.  I could get into it three weeks ago - was even binding properly.  But it's been hurting, I could really feel it my knee yesterday morning.  I knew I should have just done the modification and moved on but I wanted to try.  Jeff walked up behind me and told me not to strain my knees.  I came out immediately.  One thing I do not want to do is hurt my knees.  So I swallowed my ego and asked for a modification in Ardha Baddha Padma Paschimottanasana.  Honestly, I've been putting this off.  I really want my right leg to cooperate and fold neatly and painlessly into half lotus.  Being called out on it really brought me back down to Earth.

I think there is a huge misconception that yoga is all about flexibility - that it's all about the end result - the beautiful asanas that are possible.  It is very easy to fall into this mind frame when you watch endless videos of perfectly performed asanas or when you observe other people in your class who may be very experienced or are blessed with a flexible spine.

In my oh so humble opinion, yoga is very much about releasing what we do with our bodies.  It is about accepting what we do and moving on.  It is about finding focus and oneness with our bodies, minds and breath.  It is about releasing all those things that are created in our minds to trick us and stress us out.

I have just started really becoming aware of that voice inside of me that says, 'I want to put both my feet behind my head!' or 'I want to be able to float back gracefully in my Vinyasas.'.  There's absolutely no doubt that I do want this but not being able to do these things does not in any circumstance mean that I am not practicing yoga - that I am not as 'good' as a practitioner who can perform these asanas.   Kino MacGregor puts it well, 'Physical form and posture, although extremely useful along the way, are not the end goal of yoga. It simply does not matter whether your hamstrings are long or your body is toned if you are not able to be a nice person. Alternatively a person practicing the most basic and beginner level of yoga while maintaining a heartfelt devotion to living a more peaceful life is perhaps a very accomplished yogi.' 

Back to the subject on hand, can you hurt yourself while practicing yoga?  Of course you can.  You will push yourself while you practice.  You are getting to know your body and it's limits.  And like any relationship there will be pain and there will be tears as you get to know each other and as you heal.  BUT you need to be well aware of the difference between pain and discomfort.  When something hurts so much that it takes your breath away or makes you cringe, stop!  Ask your teacher.  Be honest with yourself.  If you find your questions are not being answered ask again and then ask again.  Read.  Do research.  You do have a teacher but you are also your own teacher.  If something doesn't feel right about a class, ask questions.  If in your heart you don't like the person you are learning from find someone else.

Yoga is about personal growth, if you choose to ignore something that is going on for you in your body you are most likely ignoring something that is going on in your life.  Be honest with yourself.  Practice with mindfulness.  Be present and don't ever ever be afraid to ask questions. 

A Yoga Sand Sculpture

One of my favourite videos to watch these days are time lapses of yoga practices.  They are beautiful and graceful.  But how about Katie Grinnan who takes it to the next level.  She has created a sculptural time lapse of her yoga practice using sand, plastic and enamel.

Images form This Is Colossal

Opening in Padmasana

Practice this morning felt so much better than yesterday but my ankles and knees in Padmasana were still giving me a lot of feedback.  I could not get into Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana at all, nor could I grab my big toe on the right in Ardha Baddha Padma Paschismottanasana.  Mari B was OK and Mari D I just tried to focus on breathing through the discomfort and getting a little twist in my spine.  In the finishing sequence, Pindasana was definitely not happening and neither was Matsyasana.  As I got to Baddha Padmasana, where I normally sit cross legged, I remembered this video I watched last week.  

In it, David Keil gives an awesome description of how to open your hips in Padmasana.  I followed his instructions before doing Baddha Padmasana, Yoga Mudra, Padmasana and Utplutih and wouldn't you believe my lotus felt so much better.  I was able to hold Yoga Mudra for full ten breaths, while grabbing my elbows - I am not ready to hold my toes.  

Check it out.  Give it a try.  I recommend trying the sequence when you are warm.  It was great to do at the end of my practice. Here is the original article on the Yoganatomy website.

Heavy Morning

There's a reason yoga should be practiced on a regular basis.  The accumulated benefit of the practice.  I think that there is the misconception with complete beginners to a yoga practice, that you only need to practice until whatever ails you feels better and then you're cured.  I remember very clearly thinking this 6 years ago, as I browsed through one of Iyengar's huge practice books, believing if I practiced certain asanas for a certain period of time I would be cured of my back pain.

This morning was the perfect example of why I should practice yoga five to six days a week.  Christmas morning was my last practice.  That's 3 days ago and while normally I would be OK with a 3 day break, take into account Christmas day feasting and Boxing day where I existed on the couch and watched movies and ate, my body was not happy with me this morning.  I felt heavy, my normally very flexible hamstrings were tight, I could barely lift my bum off the ground when I attempted jump backs, and my ankles and knees were severely tight when I attempted any half lotus or full lotus position.

It was a good reminder that this practice does me good - all of the time.  It was also a good reminder that it's OK to have a gentle practice - especially when you're recovering from food and booze overload coupled with epic laziness. 

P90 Update: I did do my P90X during these lazy days but I know from experience that the P90 does not improve my yoga whereas that the yoga definitely improves my P90. 

With Yoga Comes Responsibility.

Someone asked me the other day what it was I liked about the Ashtanga Mysore practice as opposed to any other yoga class that is led by a teacher. 

For me it is the fact that I must take responsibility for my own practice from the moment I step on the mat to the moment I leave the room.  I have to really connect and be aware of my own body - it's capabilities and limitations - at any given moment.  I also have to be responsible for giving it my all - whatever my all may be on that day. 

I think one of the reasons I like this is because this responsibility seems to carry into every day life.  I am responsible for everything that happens in my life.  I don't mean things that are out of my control like how people speak to me or the fact that I was laid off.  It's more that I am trying to learn to take responsibility to how I react to these moments in life.  I can choose how upset, happy, excited, angry I become to any given situation.

I cannot blame my teacher if I hurt myself while practicing.  I can only take that injury and learn from it.  Become more aware of what happened to cause the injury and take full responsibility to not repeat the aggravation.  Every single time I step on my mat I make a promise to be completely honest with myself.  The more quickly I learn to become honest in my practice, the more responsible I become as a yoga practitioner, thus becoming more aware of my self.

So Close!

Last night, I touched my stomach with the hand that wraps around my bent leg in Marichyasana D!  So close!

After Harmony helped maneuver me into the asana the other week, I have been able to wrap my head or my arm, rather, around my leg to try to reach for the arm wrapped around my back.  It felt amazing having my hand actually touch a part of my body instead of floating around in mid air.  I needed a gentle pull to get my hands together but it was so much easier than before.  The first side is still much more open than the second side.  My right ankle has little tolerance for being compressed for so long.

I have started holding my floor poses for five to ten breaths recently.  It feels good and I seem to be able to check in with my body more effectively.

Oh and I was also able to hold the final lift, Utplutih, in the closing sequence, last night.  I held it for seven full breaths and was able to stay in Padmasana, which is typically what bothers my right ankle the most.

Via

I was a little worried when I switched from a Bikram practice to an Ashtanga practice, that my body and my heart would miss the backward bending.  Other than a little tweak to my lower back a few weeks ago, I feel amazing and am falling in love very quickly with this practice.

Ooops

I was up early this morning for my practice.  It was still dark outside, LW still fast asleep.  I thought it was going to be tough getting up but I woke up before my alarm went off and was excited to start my practice.

For the first time I was able to get through Surya Namaskr B (Sun salutation) without needing to pause to catch my breath.  My jump backs are starting to feel more possible on my mat.  My feet are making their way back almost through my arms with a little more ease.

But there I was in Urdvha Padmasana, trying to find my balance on my shoulders, and damn, I forgot the Prasarita series!

Urdhva padmasana

I don't know how I managed to do that.  I love the Prasaritas.  Oh well, next time.  

Prasarita padottanasana D

I started adding Shirhsasana (headstand) to my practice last week.  I've only ever done Shirhsasana with a wall behind me and the first time I lifted up on Tuesday was with Jeff's help and it felt so awkward and a little freaky.  But the following night I was able to get both my feet up in the air and hold it for 5 breaths.  And the last two days I was able to do the same.

Shirshasana, almost there

I love this progression I am experiencing in my practice.  It can be difficult but it is so very satisfying.

Mind Garbage

I took 4 days off from my Ashtanga practice.  This morning was my first day back on the mat.  I hadn't planned on it but Thursday was a moon day, Friday I tried Bikram again after a month off, Saturday is a traditional day of rest and while I considered practicing I was kind of yoga'd out and Sunday I just didn't want to.

I was yoga'd out because, well, I let my mind get the best of me after my Bikram practice on Friday.  I started thinking waaayyyy too much about what direction my practice needs to go in.  Why I think it should go a certain way.  And I felt I needed to explain or justify whichever practice I choose to do - to myself and you lovely people who read my blog.  I love doing this to myself.  I love stressing myself out about tiny little details that occur in my life.  It can be anything from my yoga practice to how I spoke to the barista at Starbucks.  Ridiculous.  It really is.  Especially when it comes to my yoga.  When I do this to myself I get to a point where I am so worked up about a situation it consumes my mind.  It gets to a point where my brain is about to explode and I hit a release valve and it all leaves and I stop thinking about it completely.  I step back completely and just let myself be for as long as I need.  This is what I did this weekend.

As I rolled out my mat this morning and brushed my teeth and pulled my hair back, a tiny part of me didn't want to practice.  But as I took my first breath and grounded through my feet and tried to access the lift through my core, I started to feel the yoga work it's magic almost immediately.  I felt the mind garbage, the negative self criticizing thoughts leave my body and my soul.

Tomorrow, I leave to Vancouver for a few days to visit a girlfriend.  I plan on practicing every morning and spending some time exploring the city on my own while she is in a course.  I'll be blogging via my iPhone so I hope it works!

Namaste, everyone.

Be true to your self today.

xo

Untitled

I practiced Bikram yoga this morning for the first time in a month.  It was...nice?  It's strange, I'm not over the moon for the practice anymore.  It was good.  I can see the benefits.  I liked how it felt but something was missing.  I don't know why I feel like I need to make a decision.  That I need to know 100% which yoga I want to continue practicing.  I don't know why I feel like I need to work all of this out right now, after all it is the journey of yoga, it doesn't matter what happens at the end.

It was wonderful to be at the studio this morning.  My mum was there which is the reason I got up at 5:30 am, to practice with her.  I love practicing with my mum and I think it's the biggest thing I miss about my Bikram practice.  One of my favourite teachers was teaching which gave me another reason to get up in the cold and the dark.  Before class I made sure to tell myself that there was no need to try to go as deep as I may have a month ago.  I didn't want to hurt myself.  I felt strong and solid during class.  The heat felt nice and the asanas were comforting, my body knew what to do even if it hadn't done some of those movements in a month. 

It was also nice to just listen, to not think about what came next.  I simply had to listen to the dialogue.  I don't think I ever appreciated this before.  In my Ashtanga practice you are responsible for your practice, you need to learn, to embed the practice into your body and mind.  You are responsible for your alignment, your body.  Of course there is a teacher there but is not the consistent reminders that we receive through the dialogue in Bikram yoga.

I felt no need for water this morning.  I have never been a water chugger but I would always sip on my water.  I didn't take one sip until after final Savasana.  I attribute this to the Ashtanga and the fact that there are no water breaks in the Ashtanga practice.  For a month now I have been practicing yoga with no water until after my practice.  I was curious to see how this would translate into the hot room and I can see now how the need and craving for water while I practice yoga is all in my head.  Regardless of the heat or how much I'm sweating because I tell ya, I sweat just as much in my Ashtanga practice as I do during a cooler Bikram class.

It felt absolutely luxurious to be able to lie down in Savasana in between the floor poses.  It was strange not doing a Vinyasa between the poses.  I felt as though I was cheating a little bit :).  But I really noticed how they both have the same goal, to clear and release the blood through any limbs or organs that were stretched or bent or compressed during the asana.

So here I am comparing and contrasting the different practices.  Yes they are different but they all stem from the traditional Hatha Yoga.  I really just need to do what I want, what my heart tells me.  

  

New Mantra

My new mantra for focus during my practice and really during my entire day is, Lift My Core.  To continuously, constantly find connection in my core.  Whether it be in seated or standing poses.  Whether it be during the Surya Namaskrs.  While I'm sitting at my computer typing or standing in the shower or doing the dishes.  I need to find a lift in the core.

This should help me to keep my strength in my lower back but also help me work on these jump backs.  I put socks on my my feet last night and tried the jump back, well more of a slide - shift - slide when I do it, on the hardwood floor in the studio.  My arms ARE long enough!  It IS possible!  I was able to get my legs from the front of my mat to the back of my mat without lifting my hands off the floor!  I just need to practice finding more of a lift in my core to get my legs and bum through my arms.

Here is the lovely Laruga demonstrating a very graceful jump back and jump through. 

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

We all know the story of the tortoise and the hare.  The hare challenges the tortoise to a race to prove how fast he is.  The slow tortoise accepts and the hare laughs at him thinking he will have no problem beating the tortoise.  The hare remains cocky and decides to sleep while the tortoise continues to plod forward with determination and with as much strength and energy that he has.  And the underestimated tortoise wins in the end.

This story popped into my head this morning as I was practicing my yoga.  I have begun moving much more slowly in my vinyasas.  I am finding more strength through my legs and feet and I am stretching my heart forward as I lower down into Dandasana.  Keeping the strength from Dandasana, I slowly and carefully roll my chest up and my shoulders back while lengthening and strengthening through my abdomen into Upward Dog.  I am trying to be much more aware of my core and to keep the control in my hips to prevent them from simply dropping down in order to get a deeper back bend.  I am actually resisting my deepest backbend for the time being because I think that is how I hurt my back.  I am trying to find the strength before I go deeper.  My transition from Upward Dog to Downward Dog has slowed down as well.  I am searching for the strength of my core, my legs and my arms to lift me up into Down Dog.  I realized that I was simply using my momentum to transition between the poses.

This awareness that I am trying to bring to my practice has slowed down my practice immensely.  My vinyasas are becoming a part of the practice as opposed to being something I must do between the asanas to stay warm.

Now, we all know that in the practice of yoga there is no race but I think that we all have a tortoise and a hare that exits within us.  The hare that wants us to be able to do all those amazing arm balancing postures and deep back bends as quickly as possible because we feel we have something to prove.  And the tortoise, that simply wants us to do what we can by focusing on the moment and putting one foot in front of the other.

The hare may be what helps us begin our yoga journey but the tortoise is what keeps us practicing.  The determination of the tortoise allows us to continue our practice through injury or life getting busy.  The tortoise allows us to access the resilience that is sometimes needed through a practice.  If we keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter what the pace, eventually we will get there, where ever there may be.

A Gentle Reminder

I tweaked my lower back yesterday.  I am pretty sure this happened during my practice.  So this morning I focused on my movements and tried to move just a little more slowly.  I figured out right away where this tweak occurred.

In Urdha Mukha Svanasana (Upward Facing Dog), I've been letting the strength go from my legs, my hips and my bum.  I was pretty much just flopping down into the pose and losing all mindfulness of my lower spine.  So I guess without my muscles being contracted my spine was able to flop around where ever it wanted and I was losing the strength in my lower back.  

I also noticed that as I neared the end of my practice and I started getting a little tired my vinyasas suffered.  I would lose the connection between my lower back and legs during the transition from Upward Facing Dog to Adho Mukka Svanasana (Downward Facing Dog).  I found that I would just kind of flick my hips upwards and I was taking most of the movement on the right side of my lower back because that is my stronger side.  I was getting lazy on my left side and losing the control.

It's interesting because I thought I was being mindful.  It's amazing how easy it is to lose that focus without a teacher there to constantly remind you of what you need to do.  It's a good reminder that I need to be aware, both physically and mentally, of how I am moving through my practice.

Happy Birthday To Me

My body ached as I rolled over this morning.  30 years old today and this is how I feel?  Not a great sign.  I rolled out my mat.  My body creaking as I bent over.  My hamstrings resisted bending over with straight legs.

Surya Namaskr A was slow and methodical.  My lower back was tight and I moved carefully so as not to hurt myself.  Surya Namaskr B was tough.  I had to catch my breath a couple of times at the top of each salutation before I could continue.  By the time I reached Trikonasana I was starting to feel like myself - the young, sprite 29 year old I was yesterday.  I finished my practice strong and with much gratitude that I have found my yoga practice.

I am 30 today and I feel the best I've ever felt in my entire life.

Observation of the Day

Last night I said to LW that I didn't think I'd be going to yoga class tonight.  He asked me why not.  I'm feeling stressed out, I said.  He raised his eyebrows and slowly nodded.  

Then it hit me.  I love my yoga class.  There is more than enough time during the day to apply for jobs, pick up a few groceries and stop by my grandparents house.  I need this time to step away from my job search and my overactive thoughts.

Why did I feel the need to refrain from doing something that I love because I felt stressed out?

I will be going to class tonight. 

Thoughts On Savasana

As a yoga practitioner, I have heard many different things about Savasana or corpse pose.  Including such things as: it is the hardest asana to master; you must relax after a yoga practice to allow all the benefits to take affect; you should lie is Savasana for at least 5 minutes; you should lie in Savasana for 5 minutes for each half hour of yoga practice. 

What I have understood most clearly is that Savasana is about letting go.  It is about resting in a state of total relaxation - mental and physical.  It is the hardest pose for me to attempt on a day to day basis. 

When I first started my yoga practice.  I would fidget.  I felt creepy crawlies on my skin.  Hair tickling my ear.  My throat always felt heavy, like I was being choked.  My lower back used to really bother me if I lay flat on my back.  Slowly, over time, these physicals annoyances became less pronounced.  My back felt better from the physical asana practice.  I ignore the tickles and the creepy crawlies and they eventually go away.  My throat sometimes still bothers me but only once every 6 months or so.

Now that I have learned to somewhat control my body in Savasana, I am trying to learn how to quiet my mind.  I try to focus on complete relaxation when I first start my Savasana - to feel a heaviness as my body sinks into the floor.  I read once (I think it was in one of Mr. Iyengar's books) that if your tongue is tense, it causes your brain to be tense.  So the first thing I do is to relax my tongue.  Then I focus on my shoulders and my arms.  I inhale deeply so that I feel my lungs fill completely with air and then exhale deeply.  I do this a few times to really bring the focus to my breath.  Some days I am able to drift off.  To just relax and breathe but most of the time my mind is doing it's little jig between focusing on my inhales and exhales to my dinner plans, my next blog post and the carpet that needs vacuuming.  When my mind wanders I try to come back to my breath.  I count the inhales and exhales so that I focus on one thing.  This may last anywhere between one and ten breaths before I go through the mind wandering and then coming back to my breath again.

In B.K.S Iyengar's Light on Life, he writes:

"To relax is to cut tension.  To cut tension is to cut the threads that bind us to identity.  To lose identity is to find out who we are not."

He continues to describe how existing in present awareness in Savasana is to let go of everything that defines us to who we are, even our sexuality.  I think I have a long way to go until I can experience what Mr. Iyengar describes.  But the key would be to keep trying.  To keep returning to my breath.  To keep trying to simply exist instead of existing with attachments.

One Savasana at a time.  One breath at a time.  One moment at a time.  Try to find the quiet.

Shhh Via