"Between two lungs, it was released, the breath that carried me. The sigh that blew me forward."
I was walking home today, plugged in to my music, Florence and the Machine came on and sang this to me.
It was perfection. This song is everything that I am trying to do with my life right now. To Breathe and keep moving. To Breathe and let it all fall away. To Breathe and be grateful. To Breathe and be proud. To Breathe and to share.
Definitely not feeling like I have it easy today. I've been having nights of very heavy sleeps coupled with very vivid dreams, along with day times of feeling down and out and not knowing what I want or how to get it.
I'm finding it tough to get my butt to yoga and to make dinner. I've managed to keep to my meal plan, throwing in a couple pieces of dark chocolate here and there to keep me sane. I feel like I'm walking through a bit of a fog and I know I just need to keep pushing because the sun will burn off the mist eventually.
And really, in the grand scheme of things, I don't have it all that bad. I was driving home from lunch with a friend, trying to psych myself up to start Week 9 of P90X and K-OS came on the radio. It's my theme song for the rest of the day. Here's to the start of Week 9!
I had the most amazing class this morning in... I don't know how long!
One of my favourite teachers is back teaching one morning a week at my studio. She is a breath of fresh air. It helps, I think, that she is a morning person. So, she wants to be there with all us early risers at 6 am. As she once said to me, "If I'm not teaching it, I'm taking it!". Her enthusiasm is contagious and she expects just as much from you in an early morning class as anyone would in an evening class.
I felt strong and alive. My muscles worked so hard, my breathing stayed calm, my heart raced and my mind managed to let any thoughts float on by. And, boy, was I focused. I had a little breakthrough with floor bow. I need to almost forget about wanting my shoulders to rotate and just focus on my kick and relax my shoulders so my head can get back further and to forget about the mirror - to really forget that it's there - which is so counter intuitive because the teachers have been telling you for the last hour to focus on the mirror. But the second set felt better, more natural and deeper.
I needed this. I needed to feel strong again. I've been feeling sucked dry of energy lately. Letting my job affect me and slowly - without noticing - seeping into my subconscious. I have been feeling less than capable and that has been trickling into other aspects of my life. Especially my practice.
Here's one of my favourite songs, right now, by Neil Young - The Believer. Listen to his lyrics. I associate them to everything that I believe in - my friends, my family, my lover, my yoga and even myself.
This is my all time favourite relax Juliana song. It is what I listened to right before the competition. I was surrounded by my fellow yogis, basking in their energies but hearing nothing but these beautiful notes.
Leonard Cohen's concert was nothing less than amazing. I feel truly previledged that I got to see this amazing poet and musician perform. From the moment he walked on stage, Mr Cohen exhuded a graciousness I have never seen before in a performer. He was polite and kind and as humble as a 76 year old celebrated poet and singer can be. He walked on the stage at 8:05pm with an amazing entourage of musicians and singers and they didn't stop until 11:30pm!
His voice (Listen!), is an amazing deep baritone. The songs they played were often very similar to the recorded versions but they were far from boring. Every note sung and played was deeper and fuller than I've ever heard on any of his albums. He brought life to the music and the music to life with his voice and stage presence. It brought tears to my eyes when he, so genuinely, thanked the audience for having him back to Victoria. And how grateful he seemed to be creating music with the other artists that graced the stage. I spent a lot of the concert wondering what it would be like to meet him. How many stories he must have.
I've been to a few amazing concerts in the last couple years. I think Leonard Cohen has come out on top.
Like a Bird on a Wire
Like a bird on the wire
Like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free
Like a worm on a hook
Like a knight from some old fashioned book
I have saved all my ribbons for thee
If I, if I have been unkind
I hope that you can just let it go by
If I, if I have been untrue
I hope you know it was never to you
Oh, like a baby, stillborn
Like a beast with his horn
I have torn everyone who reached out for me
But I swear by this song
And by all that I have done wrong
I will make it all up to thee
I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch
He said to me, "You must not ask for so much"
And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door
She cried to me, "Hey, why not ask for more?"
Oh, like a bird on the wire
Like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free
"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in."
- Leonard Cohen, Anthem
My mum is very adept at placing lyrics to life experiences. She pointed this lyric out to me this morning and that it relates to yoga.
I see these lines as an invocation to allow yourself to practice yoga.
Take what you have - all that you have - and embrace it without worrying about lack of perfection or faults. You will find that you can break through whatever is holding you back and the light will shine for you - feed you.
